I expected too much from you.
I voluntarily crossed my arms and fell backwards into you like this relationship was a one-sided trust fall.
Me, eyes closed and throwing the weight of my world into your unsuspecting hands; you, reduced to the hill I chose to die on. Objectified and drained of the life-affirming qualities that drew me to you in the first place.
Infantilized like a child holding onto the folds on his mother’s dress, I left the destination up to you. Meanwhile, I entitled myself to be merely led wide-eyed at the unceasing chaos of daily life and…
A restaurant where alcohol may as well be the grease keeping the entire beastly machine from collapsing in on itself. By that I mean that it’s no surprise to be randomly handed beers, shots, extra drinks, or any other sort of brain-draining inebriator while on the job.
I came home pretty buzzed tonight.
I live with a few coworkers and no home was home to offer me another drink as I walked through the door so as to save me from actually thinking about if I even wanted it or not.
I walked into my empty room and felt a…
Another light-foot against the static of the tide.
The soles of my shoes making imprints so shallow you’d be hard-pressed to discover I was there at all. I run along the foam of the creeping surf as I play a game of Gotcha with the suds. My path of indents being a straight shot until a Hail Mary stretch of wave comes quickly fizzling to my feet in an attempt to soak my socks. I veer slightly to the left and run back along the edge of the receding bubbles. Not this time you salty dog.
There’s a place I…
As creatives of any sort, we have the tendency to have a very “If you build it, they will come” mentality when it comes to our art.
We assume that if we just put the time in, if we write enough articles, play enough songs, paint enough pictures, that someday, somebody, somewhere, will notice us and change our lives for the better.
There’s this idea that all our job is as creators is to, well, create. No rhyme or reason necessary. Simply create for the love of creation and the universe will shift itself into alignment with what you want…
It feels like I’ve never truly made my own decisions.
Every path I’ve ever taken has either been something I’ve fallen into, or a decision I made out of the pressure of those final moments before my hand would be forced. I only went to college because it a school close by and everyone it was “what you did.” I fell into drug abuse because it was all around me and I didn’t care enough either way to just say no.
I never felt the autonomy of thinking about what I actually wanted to do. I never felt this way…
I go through these cycles every few months.
Things seem to be on the up and up. The sluggish days unstick their feet and finally find their footing. I start feeling less heavy, as I’m not as weighed down by my own expectations of myself. I see things more clearly, like I’ve been wearing a dirty monocle over my mind’s eye and someone finally took the time to give it a good spritz and scrub.
It feels like freedom.
Freedom from the quicksand that’s been tugging at my legs and keeping me in my room. Freedom from the apprehension to…
It truly feels as if I can hear it.
Each uniquely designed hourglass grain
as it tumbles from its nest of potential
through the birth canal of this very moment.
Hear it as it sings through the
Swan diving towards imminent oblivion
and striking the pile of dead memory
Like a kind of existential water torture.
I can feel the tremors of time as each second splashes
onto the corpses of its kin.
One might think it’s knowledge enough to fuel
the haste of an uncertain tomorrow.
But the reverberations I feel
from each mote…
Admit it or not, there’s a thinly veiled arrogance that comes with the pursuit of art.
It may not be the main ingredient, but at the bottom of that recipe there’s always an additional handwritten scribble that says something along the lines of: One pinch of ego.
It’s that dash of ego that convinces us that we can create. That it’s not some otherworldly spell reserved only for rarified demi-gods, but is latent within each of us. …
I used to think that being surrounded by likeminded people was always a good thing.
It absolutely can be, to an extent. When you feel as if you’ve found “your people,” life starts to feel a bit less overwhelming simply due to the proximity of those familiar faces. You can find support in others, comfort in friends, and peace among the people you care about most. But this isn’t about the benefits of friendship, it’s about the hazards of stagnation that same comfort presents.
As I’m sure anyone who grew up in a small town can attest to, being surrounded…
It’s a weird feeling, seeing yourself in an entirely different light.
It’s the closest thing we have to seeing ourselves through the eyes of another person. When we reframe who we think we are, without rejecting the possibility that we could be wrong about ourselves, we open ourselves up to truths normally well hidden. We catch a glimpse of what it must be like to see ourselves as a stranger might meeting us for the first time and experiencing the initial impression of what we’re like.
With enough digging any sort of deep introspection is bound to yield results. If…